What If...

I sit at my desk in my office at The Nest in Edison Hypatia, staring at the blank sheet of paper on it, pen in hand. I sit for hours, just looking at it.

I don't know what to write. I've sent other letters and received no response. I really wish I did not want to write another one. Another exercise in futility? I think so. At this point it's something I can do to make myself feel better. I suppose it's worth it for that.

I take a deep breath, and put pen to paper.

Dear Man in Pieces,

I've tried to reach out to you a few times over the last several weeks. It's clear to me that you don't want to be reached, or that you don't want to be reached by me. As you wish.

You have no idea how much I wish I simply did not care. I'm not sure why I do, really. There are just some people here that I feel a connection with, like we're from the same branch of the psychic tree. And there are also very, very few people who know what it's like to do what I do here. Maybe I was wrong, but I felt like you did, at least partially. It can be quite lonely being Gabrielle Riel sometimes.

Two and a half years ago, I met a gentleman with whom I felt a very strong connection, and I think it took both of us by surprise! There was a lot of undefined energy between us, but he was just starting a relationship with a lady who meant a great deal to him. I saw that, and so he and I sat down and had a talk, in which we said: "We are going to be good friends, and that is the boundary of our relationship." It was the best thing we could have done, because from that moment on we were close friends, and remain so to this day. Thinking about him in any other way than as my SL brother actually creeps me out. :-)

I wish I had done that with you. Well...with one of you. One of the pieces of the puzzle you let me see. Maybe that would have made it easier to be friends. And then again, maybe not. We were never more than "just friends", even when one of your pieces would show up and flirtatiously push boundaries with me...daring me to push back, and then becoming angry at me when I did.

I might not have a clear, exact picture of what the puzzle looks like when it is all put together, but I think I have a rough idea of what the final product is, even with the missing pieces. You choose to leave pieces out (different ones with different people) and you choose to remain marooned solo on your metaphorical desert island.

I am not lurking just offshore in the water, lying in wait to take you to the bottom of the sea.

And at the same time, I am no longer searching for you Mr. Castaway. I just wanted to be your friend, but I have called off the search party.

This, sir, is my final Siren Song.

~ Gabrielle

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What If ~ Emile Autumn

Here you sit on your high-backed chair
Wonder how the view is from there
I wouldn't know 'cause I like to sit
Upon the floor, yeah upon the floor
If you like we could play a game
Let's pretend that we are the same
But you will have to look much closer
Than you do, closer than you do

And I'm far too tired to stay here anymore
And I don't care what you think anyway
'Cause I think you were wrong about me
Yeah what if you were, what if you were

And what if I'm a snowstorm burning
What if I'm a world unturning
What if I'm an ocean, far too shallow, much too deep
What if I'm the kindest demon
Something you may not believe in
What if I'm a siren singing gentlemen to sleep

I know you've got it figured out
Tell me what I am all about
And I just might learn a thing or two
Hundred about you, maybe about you
I'm the end of your telescope
I don't change just to suit your vision
'Cause I am bound by a fraying rope
Around my hands, tied around my hands

And you close your eyes when I say I'm breaking free
And put your hands over both your ears
Because you cannot stand to believe I'm not
The perfect girl you thought
Well what have I got to lose

And what if I'm a weeping willow
Laughing tears upon my pillow
What if I'm a socialite who wants to be alone
What if I'm a toothless leopard
What if I'm a sheepless shepherd
What if I'm an angel without wings to take me home

You don't know me
Never will, never will
I'm outside your picture frame
And the glass is breaking now
You can't see me
Never will, never will
If you're never gonna see

What if I'm a crowded desert
Too much pain with little pleasure
What if I'm the nicest place you never want to go
What if I don't know who I am
Will that keep us both from trying
To find out and when you have
Be sure to let me know

What if I'm a snowstorm burning
What if I'm a world unturning
What if I'm an ocean, far too shallow, much too deep
What if I'm the kindest demon
Something you may not believe in
What if I'm a siren singing gentlemen to sleep
Sleep...
Sleep...

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