Stupid Girl

Sometimes I can be *really* stupid. Afterwards, all I can do is shake my head at myself and wonder how I can *be* so stupid!

For those of you who have not heard (and I don't see how you'd have missed this), I lit the fuse on a keg o drama on Sunday evening when I referred to Hotspur Otoole as "Hothead the Tool" in Main chat at the end of an event. Then I encouraged any and all present to send him the chat transcripts. Sadly one attendee thought I was directing the "send the chat to Hotspur" comment at him/her, which was not the case. I then admitted what I said on my Plurk timeline...and it just got more fun from there.

Oh yeah. I get the 2009 award for "Teh Stoopid".

I have heard that Hotspur posted about this mess I created on his Blog, asking questions about why I did what I did. You'll have to find the link to the post on your own, as I am not in the mood to go read it and all the "shocked, horrified, Gabi is evil" comments. :-) I also received a direct note from him asking me about it. I sent him the following response, which I post here in its entirety:

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Hotspur,
I've spent some time thinking about responding to your email. And here it is.

From what I can see you have two basic questions. 1. Why did Gabrielle Riel say something nasty about me when I am unaware of a current conflict? 2. Why would Gabrielle Riel say something so mean and malicious about me? (If I am missing more of what you are seeking to understand, please lmk)

The answer to the first question is simple: "don't drink and type". There was no current conflict between us...well, not until I lit the fuse on this one. You are correct, we have had very little interaction in a very long time. There is no big, "secret", conscious reason behind me calling you "Hothead the Tool" in public. It was sheer drunken stupidity.

Now the history on the "name": I assigned you the moniker "Hothead the Tool" during our major blow up of Sept 2007, so it comes from a whole other time and conflict. The words carry the rage from that time. It has nothing to do with anything in the now, other than my general opinion of how you sometimes act. You *are* a Hothead...and you *can* be a total Tool!

Now the answer to question #2. I can be extremely malicious, and I am very aware of that fact. However, it's not a way I act by default. It's a way I WILL act after having been attacked by someone in some form or fashion. And only after repeated, consistent attacks or other forms of what I view as negative behavior. Add to that what I see as negative behavior directed at others. I'm very likely to go on the attack against someone if I feel they are treating others badly. My dislike of you and your behavior is based on over two years of my observations and direct experiences.

It is not something I think of often. It's usually when I am soothing someone else who is upset with something you have done or said. I always tell them to try not to take it personally and that they will be able to let it all roll off their backs someday. I learned to roll with it, so I know it's possible. It's how I can laugh and delete the Anonymous Blog comment calling me fat and ugly that appeared on my Blog the night before last. I called you a nasty name...so you (or someone trying to support you) called me fat and ugly. *shrugs* Hopefully you/they feel like you/they got the last word on the name calling. It just shows me that someone you associate with tries to be a bully...if it's not actually you.

You don't like me. I don't like you. That just is what it is - it's not upsetting to me nor something that affects what I do in SL. I do have respect for some of your strengths and talents, but sadly all of the negativity I have seen from you cancels the good out...and then takes you in the hole.

Was it mature, productive or smart of me to let my Inner Bitch out to trash you? Of course not. But I did. And I take responsibility for it. And I have responded to your questions with total honesty. I can promise you that I won't do it again to you. I'll refrain from communicating my personal feelings about you or your behaviors in public forums. There might come a time when I am required to mention you in terms of media and reporting, and I give my pledge that anything I say or report will be unbiased and professional.

Sincerely,
Gabrielle
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This Blog post will be the last thing I ever say in regards to Hotspur and my personal opinion of him. I have disabled Comments on this post, because I don't want it to devolve into a "Oh yeah Gabi, you are right, he is a Tool" vs "You are a horrible, mean person and bitch Gabrielle Riel". If you want to discuss it, ask me questions, read me the riot act, then please just email me directly at gabrielle.riel@gmail.com .

I already know if you are reading Hotspur's blog, then you like him or consider him a friend. It's not probable that you like me anyway. There are a *few* people that we have in common as friends, but it's a very small number.

If you are reading my blog, then you probably like me or consider me a friend. You are probably among the group watching this whole debacle, pumping your fist in the air and shouting "yes!" when you heard what I called him.

I live my Second Life based on direct actions and interactions with people. I don't just randomly run around calling people I do not know bitchy names. I don't run around calling people I DO know bitchy names! Unless you are one of the three people in SL who I feel has actively and passively attacked me and tried to harm me, either personally or professionally with malicious intent. Yes, there are three people on the grid about which I feel that way. Hotspur is one of them. And to set minds at ease, and so you don't run around thinking "omg am I one of the three people Gabrielle Riel can not deal with in SL?", all three are from a long time ago in terms of SL time. All three are people with whom I had some form of friendship with in 2007, and with whom I have not associated much since that time.

I am in SL to provide entertainment and to serve the Steamlands in any way I can. Period. My background is in training and teaching, and I like helping people...provided the people are generally nice and polite and have positive attitudes. We all have bad days. Uh, hello? Look at what I just did on a "bad day"! I understand that everyone is not always perky and happy and easy to deal with. My problem is with people that I see consistently displaying these negative behaviors, both to their friends and to others. If I start seeing a pattern of constant complaining, constant tearing down of others? I hit the road. So long, farewell!

So...what's done is done. I achieved a whole new level of stupidity in SL. I learned a hard lesson. All I ask is that you judge me on my direct actions or interactions with you. And if you don't like me...then you don't. If you do like me...thank you, thank you for being here. Now let's enjoy our SLs and each other!