Something's Gotta Give

Have you had times in your life when you feel like you are in a speeding vehicle?  When you are moving so fast that tasks and responsibilities seem to fly by while you vainly try to not miss them? And then suddenly you hit a brick wall.  Everything comes to a crashing halt, but hopefully you have not splintered into a thousand pieces during the impact?

The past month or so has been like this for me, in both Second Life and Real Life. And today I hit the wall.  But instead of shattering into pieces, I bounced off of the wall like a rubber ball, regained my footing and took a good, hard look at the wall in front of me.

Something's gotta give and it can't be me.  I need to gently slice out some of the bricks until things calm down in my Real Life.

I very rarely talk about Real Life here, or anywhere else in Second Life.  I keep them separate when it comes to very personal things.  Over the past few weeks, I have not been in Second Life much.  It's been hard because tasks and notecards have piled up, and it sometimes takes me a few days to get back to the senders.  And then of course add in the lovely SL glitch that has been going on for the last month where notecards don't send at all, and you don't get a notification if someone receives it or not.

I have some very serious Real Life stuff going on.  Several things, not just one.  The health of me and my RL loved ones is fine!  No one is sick.  But it's time for me to walk the talk on something that I say to people all the time: "Real Life comes first."  No I am not leaving Second Life, or "taking a break".  What I need to do is realign and remove some tasks.  I have a horrible problem of over-committing myself to things in SL.  Gigs, events, Rezdays for friends, volunteer stuff...

Are these things important? an extent.  They are not more important than Real Life.  And Second Life is so...magnified.  Simple things get blown out of proportion instantly.  People imagine and construct complex motivations for actions to the point of paranoia, tempers flare at the drop of a hat.  I'm guilty of the last one myself.  I have a hair trigger temper in both lives.  Pull back Gabi!   Pull back!  I've become mired in little things, petty dramas and some downright silly stuff.

Hitting the wall made me realize that the intense RL stress I have right now, combined with the SL work and Radio Riel work has boxed me into a little corner where I can't see more than 5 inches in front of me.  This is not a good thing!  I've taken some stuff off my plate already earlier this week by making a decision to forgo a big Radio Riel project I had hoped to do.  It's something that can happen at a later time and it won't affect things as they are.

I have decided to take a "gig and new project hiatus" until August 1.  This means I will not play gigs for hire.  I will limit my Radio Riel gigs as much as humanly possible and I will NOT take on nor start any new programs nor projects.  If people ask me to do gigs or come to me with a big new idea, I need to say: "Sorry I am not playing gigs at the moment.  Sorry I am putting Radio Riel on autopilot for a bit.  Sorry I am not adding new projects right now."

Oh I will still be working!  I'll be around doing the usual admin stuff for NT.  I will be working on Radio Riel paperwork up the ying yang.  I have non profit stuff to complete.  Licensing stuff to work on.  I will continue work on New Babbage's Nutcracker audio production.  I'm just going to take a pass on gigs and new stuff for a little bit.  Radio Riel is my REAL job.  It needs my attention far more than plowing though Second Life IMs.

There is one last reason that I need to make my lives more manageable, and it's something that relates to both.  It is with great regret that I announce that Azul Draken and I have unpartnered.  We have been together in some form or fashion for 2.5 years.  This action was necessitated by Real Life logistics.  No, there is no big RL DRAMA, just the reality that we don't have the time we need to put into the relationship to keep it going as it was.  I think many of you know that Azul's human is working on her Doctorate, plus she works a full time job and has a RL family.  I basically work 24/7 and care for my special needs son full time as well.  The logistics have become too much to surmount.

Both of the Avatars, Gabrielle and Azul, are heartbroken.  Azul will remain in Gabrielle's household as a family member and protector.  The typists behind the Avatars have always been close friends and intend to keep it that way.  Gabi and Azul will probably go out and about together sometimes, dance at events etc.  The relationship will just no longer be "romantic" or that of Partners.

We actually made this decision a few weeks ago, and we haven't told anyone about it until now.  I've been doing my best to soldier forward and not really think about it, which I now realize was a huge mistake.  I had all of this bottled up sadness, in the middle of Real Life stress...and the result has not been pretty.  I need to grieve.  I need to take a load off of myself while I work through this.  I am going to be ok!  I have every confidence that Gabrielle will love again.  It's just going to take some time.

Something's gotta give, and it's going to be things that have been cluttering up my head space.  My little "gig and new project hiatus" should help me clean up the junk!

Thank you in advance for your understanding.  Thanks to my friends, who hang in there with me when I hit the wall.  :-)



Wildstar said…
I hope you get your fun back soon, Mis Gabi ! :)